Lousy day -- depressed, didn't do much but go to Pomona and not find the computer faire. Bailed out of going to Health Faire with Steve Gee because of Sarah. Didn't even blog. Did worry about the guys stealing my pens and going through my alphabetical hanging folders. I need to make another set of those for home and for my car.

Slept mostly otherwise. Did watch the end of the Sopranos and did get on the deck to read some newspapers but otherwise a loss. Didn't take Ritalin. When I thought about it around 3 p.m. it was too dangerous. Need to remind myself (weekly review or whatever) all the things I can do and lay off me. Its okay to waste a day but it might as well be fun rather than bad.

Maybe my posting things on my whiteboard in front of me will help. I should try to update it weekly.

Actually did make significant progress on the fun pictures -- binderizing them and ripping them apart.

Pretty good day. Did not do much when I got home but before I got there I did a fair amount. Organized some stuff, Put todo's on green cards which I like so far, Had a good discussion w/Kupper re: I have so much anger inside me towards Steve, Yvonne, Mom and Dad, Maintenance guys, Sarah Wise, Matt, etc. and it would be much better if I let it out. Instead I am keeping it in which is what causes so much stress for me. Instead of letting it out I direct it at myself. I have come to not direct my anger at another person (I generally don't feel anything towards them which is a bit unusual). If someone else did these things to another I would be livid and would consider them slime. I need to try to think of things in that way.

Otherwise, it would be nice to have a good weekend. To do my best to make good use of the green cards, the tr, and going through as much as I can. I also need to get some headphones. What about tennis this weekend -- I mean watching it?

I also need to look back at these blogs and start writing a letter to M and D. I think a weekly review is really important at this point. I need to make time for it (maybe in car or in library). Try your hardest to get this done this weekend.

Still feel so stressed. Bashir is almost outta here. I'm very sad about that. It will be lonely here without him and I will feel more vulnerable to the guys.

Did get to the downtown event w/Stein and Dowling. Kind of interesting though Stein is obnoxious. Meant to ask Rodriguez why we don't see much of his column anymore. Apartment stuff more or less coming along.

Pretty good day though again, I feel so stressed out. I really hate this.

I did a big wash load, Did a fair amount of stuff in my car, Loaded some stuff for my car, Did a daily review, and so forth. Overall pretty good.

Had a good session w/Kupper. Need to mention the focusing on important stuff thing. But glad to get his perspective on dealing with Steve and Mom and Dad and so on. Maybe a letter that I draft would help alot.

Keep up the good work!

Was kind of frustrated with Steve Gee re: Sarah but oh well...

I'm once again feeling great stress. I am not sure why this is. Partly I have a terrible feeling with respect to Steve that he's going to complain about me or make up some story negative with respect to me. I don't know what to do about that other than to establish how I've felt for forever. Perhaps once I have established that and the greater legitimacy of my feelings, the better I'll feel. Perhaps I can write some letters and put them somewhere. I should write down in notes or a kind of writeup how I feel. Hopefully that will help. I also need to join Match.com, now!

I need to also talk w/Kupper about a number of these things.

Decent day. Actually was really a miserable day. Slept the entire day except watching some Sopranos, some of the Raging Bulls documentary. Was better w/girls and afterwards, no pressure, just organizer, went through and listed things to do tonight, tomorrow, and best approaches like -- daily review before bed on tomorrow's "today" list, listing todos at home on white board and try to get all done before go to sleep, try to work out of binder while filing extra stuff in cabinet. Also using tr and transcribing it regularly.

Overall, though day not great, ended up being a good day. Bravo. Try to get stuff, important stuff, done in morining and then feel that was good day no matter what else happens. Also try to find better ways of getting stuff done daily. At work maybe use Michael's white board.

Also as I hung out with girls, decided I needed to relax more. Much more. If something happens, I need to not let it be my problem. If I am unhappy with stuff at work, oh well... Just let it go!